I've been so effing tired lately. The regular gal on my job-- not my crazy boss, but the other full time/non-temp type person-- was on vacation last week, so me and the other temp were so busy we barely had time to think. Not only was the "go to" person out, but the work load (of course) was about 70% heavier last week. I really don't care much for this job, but it's a paycheck. I can't believe I've been temping at this place for 4 months now.
So of course, since this is the last place I really want to work forever, guess what? I got offered the full time, regular job yesterday. Even though I feel sick to my stomach, I accepted. I figured, I would have worked here until they ditched me or I found something else, so I might as well keep working here and get benefits kicked in.
I feel so guilty, like I'm being ungrateful and surly when I should be lighting a candle and saying thank-you prayers. But I really don't feel excited, because I don't really want this job. I know I need a job, but this isn't it, you know? But it has to be "it" for the moment, because I ain't stupid. Although to be honest, it isn't so much the actual job I dislike, but my boss. She is nuts, and when I officially move into the permanent position, I won't be in my little file room anymore. Nope, I'll be in the cubicle right next to her. All. Day. Long. Every. Single. Fucking. Day. I can already feel the ulcer coming on.
To make it worse, the other temp-- whom I happen to like very much-- will be let go once I'm hired. I'm probably not supposed to know that, but my crazy, stinky boss let it slip that the other temp would not be kept on once I went permanent. So, I feel even more guilty that a single mom who just moved to town a few months ago is about to be released, while here I am not even really wanting this job that she so desperately needs. Not that I don't desperately need it too, but you know what I mean. And on a selfish note, I don't want her to get fired because, damn it, there's too much effing work for them to let her go! We're crazy busy with 3 workers plus a supervisor now; it's freaking me out to think of how busy it will be with just 2 workers and a supervisor. As if I wasn't already apprehensive about this job.
There's just so much going on. I feel a little (read: a LOT) resentful that I interviewed for this job nearly 3 months ago, and they're just choosing someone. Even though I'm the one they chose, and I secretly don't even want the position, it still pisses me off that it took them this long to make a decision. And they haven't even done background checks (the HR lady told me), so I don't know what was taking so long. As a job-seeker, it is hugely annoying when companies advertise a job, interview candidates, and then take months on end to make a choice. People are looking for work now, not a quarter from now.
And of course, next Wednesday is Ye Olde Due Date. Blah blah blah, same old whining, different day. Next Tuesday is the day my mom has surgery, and I am quietly terrified that she is going to die. I am just far too mentally committed to personal and family issues right now to be able to handle the added stressors of this job situation, but I gotta suck it up and wear my big girl panties for now.
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4 comments:
Aw hon, "YAAY!" And also a little, "Oh, mannnn." Followed by a little more, "YAAY!" And then ending the emotional roller coaster with a tall, icey-cold Cosmo from the old Melange days.
Hope that helps at least a tiny bit.
You need to move to Cincy and come work for me. My accounting manager quit and I'm advertising on CareerBuilder for a replacement right now!
(I'm aware that if you don't know A/P you're likely not qualified to do overall accounting but that's something you can teach reasonably easily. But you can't teach smart and hardworking which I prefer over experience at least 10:1.)
Want to say congratulations for getting the job, but hmmmmm seems like kind of bad luck getting the job :-) At least it's probably good to know that you were the one chosen. And hey, you can still go job hunting, except that for the meentime you have benefits.
Hope your mother's operation will go well. And although we don't know each other, I will be sending you a huge hug on Wednesday.
Ummm congrats? I knew they'd hire you. I'm happy that you're getting benefits while you're spending your time working there anyway.
I wish you the best and hope that the job presents itself soon.
You have a rough week ahead of you. I'll be thinking of you and your mom. Take care.
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