Believe it or not, I could care less about TTC right now. I actually have NOT ovulated, and am on day 5,623 of my cycle (or maybe it's day 27, who knows?). I'm not bothering with opks anymore; at this point, I know this is a messed up cycle, and I have other things to worry about than TTC.
-I'm still unemployed, and it's not fun anymore. Yeah, sure, it was luxurious for a while, being able to sleep in everyday and have an extended vacation. But now it's just starting to get depressing. Am I just not good enough for anyone to hire me? Rejection is not a pretty feeling.
-Through a baffling mish-mash of miscommunication, error and stupidity, the company that I used to work for paid for the renewal of my insurance (real estate license E&O) and membership to the Realtor's association. Even though I was supposed to have been released from the company 2 months ago, and am in the process of retiring my real estate license. And even though the error was on their part, they've paid the fees and have been informed that none of them are refundable. Guess who's been presented with the bill? If I still worked for the company, they'd have paid for it. But since I'm not with them anymore, they expect to be reimbursed for all the fees. I now have a $500 bill sitting and waiting to be paid. And believe me, when you've been unemployed for 2 months, an unexpected bill for $500 is a huge blow.
-For the first time in my life, I've been having nightmares. Believe it or not, I've never had nightmares before. Now, though, it's like a nightly personal cinema, filled with horror, pain and despair. As much as I used to like sleep, it is no longer my friend.
I really don't know what to think most days. I feel like a failure and a loser because I can't get a decent job, while people I know with half my education make twice what I did. I'm worrying about things so much that I'm starting to have panic attacks. It just seems like nothing I do, or have ever done, is good enough. That I'm not good enough. No mate, no child, no job, and feeling like I'm sinking into depression.
And my friends have enough of their own drama that I'm not going to them for support. Besides, other than being a willing ear, there's not really anything that they can do, anyway. The only thing that keeps me slightly sane is remembering that I've had rough times before, and I've made it through. Not always whole or intact, but I've made it through.
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4 comments:
Dang Kim! That sucks. I can really relate to the nightmares. I am a dream-a-holic. In good times they are light hearted or nonsensical. The last year they've been mostly nightmares. My husband has even noticed that I am whimpering and moaning in my sleep most nights. My brain is FUBAR at this point.
It sounds like you used to be a real estate agent? Is that what you would like to do going forward or are you wanting to change fields? Have you ever considered going to a Career Counselor? I know it sounds kind of lame but my SIL is one and she really seems to help people figure out what it is they are suited to and would enjoy.
I've been reading your blog for some months and it is clear to me that you are a very smart, down-to-earth woman. I have to believe that you would excel if you just found the right thing to throw yourself into...
I know it's not much consolation but I still love you, Scrappy. ;)
Personally, I'd tell your old company to go pound sand. Actually, maybe I'd ask them to show me the statute or case law that says you have to pay for their unsolicited mistake.
Tell them you consulted a lawyer and were advised not to pay unless they can show you a law indicating that you have to pay.
Sorry you're having such a hard time. Hope things get better soon.
I agree with the last anonymous poster. I wouldn't pay the previous company. You didn't ask them to pay those fees for you and had you been asked if you wanted them to do it you likely would have said no. I would tell them it's their mistake and that you aren't going to pay them back for their mistake.
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