Baby shower #492

One of my old friends, Lila (whose ticker is at the bottom of my site), is getting pretty far along in her pregnancy, far enough that it's time to start the baby shower talk. Here's the deal: under normal circumstances, I would have been asking to throw her a baby shower when she hit her 2nd trimester. But I just couldn't do it, and part of me feels so bad about that. She is one of my oldest friends, and I can't give her a baby shower.

Financially, I just can't afford to spend several hundred dollars on a shower. I've been unemployed for three months, and my budget is tighter than tight. I simply don't have the money. I hate that it seems like I'm putting a price tag on my love, but I hope that we've been friends long enough that she understands my situation.

Emotionally, I'm not 100% sure I could do it even if I had the money. It sucks for Lila, the timing and all, but unfortunately for her, her pregnancy comes after almost all my friends have had a child or two, accompanied by multiple baby showers, some given by me. I just don't know how much I have left to give before I start bleeding inside. Correction: before my already-existent cut becomes hemorrhagic.

Then again, I know myself, and I can play the martyr like nobody's business, even if I'm the only one who knows I'm doing it. I know there's no way I'd not give a shower if I could, no matter how much I was dying inside. Just because I'm sad for me, doesn't mean I'm not happy for her. I've already agreed to get involved with the planning of her shower. I'm neither throwing it, nor the hostess, but I'm getting involved nonetheless. See, I TOLD you I'm a good martyr!