What I did on my spring vacation

Okay, so people have been bugging the shit out of me, asking for pictures and details of my recent trip to Scotland & England. Well, here's the thing: sure, I took pictures, but they're either touristy stuff, or weird things I saw that were interesting to me. As far as the touristy pics go, do a search online for Big Ben, Wordsworth's grave, Anne Hathaway's cottage, Shakespeare's birthplace, etc. and you'll find far better pics than any I took. Really. I think it's far more interesting for me to tell you about things I experienced. So without further ado---

Things I Learned/Saw/Experienced in Scotland & England:

1) There are apparently only four hairstyles for men under the age of 40 in the UK: the fauxhawk, the shag (whether hobbit-curly or straight), shaved, or anything super-spiky that requires 4 tubes of gel each morning. I firmly believe that there must be a national advertising campaign encouraging young men to use styling products. I've never seen that much hair gel in my life. And I was a teenager in the 80s!

2) There are four words that are essential to your vocabulary. Just for fun, go out and annoy any English people you know by liberally sprinkling your speech with the following words.
--Sorry: A quick, all-purpose apology. Not "I'm sorry," just "sorry".
--Yeah: You know how stereotypes of Latin-language-speaking people always end questions (and sometimes just statements) in 'no'? Such as, Antonio Banderas saying, "It is a beautiful day, no?" Well, replace the 'no' with 'yeah', and you'll feel like you're in jolly ole England. Make sure to say 'yeah' at the end of every sentence, whether it's a question or not.
--Bloody: To Americans, saying bloody as a swear word seems like a stereotype, or something you only see in movies where Americans have really bad, fake British accents. Well, guess what? It's a stereotype for a reason. People use it. A lot.
--Cheers: 'Cheers' is like the Hawaiian 'aloha'; it can mean about a million different things. I heard people using it as hello, goodbye, thank you, excuse me, and of course, as an actual toast!

3) I have been successful in figuring out how NOT to look like a total tourist while on vacation. Having been stopped several time by people in Edinburgh who thought I lived there and were asking for directions, or asking if I wanted to sign local petitions and the like, I was quite pleased.

4) Everyone in the world knows that Elvis lived here. Whenever someone spoke to me, and then I answered them, they of course knew right away that I was an American. Inevitable question #1 would come: "Where are you from?" I'd tell them. Then inevitable question #2: "Oh, that's where Elvis was from!" I ended up in a 20 minute discussion with an old man that started with those two questions. I now know a lot about WWII and the British forces, racial issues in those days, and classist divisions as it pertained to music. Apparently the lower class people back then were really into rock & roll, while the hoity-toity folk were really into country music. Then again, that old guy may have been senile and just telling me a whopper. But he was funny and entertaining!

5) Dorks across the sea are just like dorks here. I found a Games Workshop store in Edinburgh. Just as in the dork shops here, my entrance into said shop caused a reverent silence that rivaled any cathedral. Girls are a rarity in those places, you see. There were many furtive, over the shoulder glances from guys putting together & painting models. Within 5 minutes, I had three different guys ask if they could help me, or if I knew what I was looking for. I smiled and answered politely to the first two, the classic, "Thanks, just looking."

By the time the third guy came up to me, I was just inwardly rolling my eyes. I mean, the store is only about 20x20, so I can't believe that he didn't know that I'd already been greeted! But oh, the third one hurt. He actually asked me, "Are you looking for something for a gift? For your nephew or son perhaps?" OUCH! When did I get old enough to look like someone's mom?!? So, I had to let loose on him. I turned with a sweet smile and said, "Oh, I'm just seeing what's new; I haven't been keeping up with GW in a while. I have Sisters of Battle." And he wandered away confused, because of COURSE girls don't play with toy soldiers, right? Right? Wrong!

6) I love Marks & Spencer food shops. And Pret A Manger.

7) Edinburgh is a fantastic place, and I'd love to go back. People were remarkably friendly, much more so than some folks I met in other cities. I had a wonderful time there, and it's really too much to try to describe. Edinburgh= heart it.