My uterus, my buddy

Many of you already know about my infertility problems, but for those of you who are new, here’s the story of me and my uterus.  You might not believe it, but this is actually the short version!!!

 

I was one of those women who never had regular periods, and my doctor, like many others, just suggested that I get on birth control pills (known in the trying to conceive [ttc] world as bcp) to make me “regular”.  Well, even though that didn’t really address why I was irregular, I was young and dumb, and just took the damned things.  Then I realized that bcp make me crazy and stupidly hormonal, so much so that I couldn’t stand using them.

 

That glorious moment, that epiphany, happened one evening while watching some musical special on PBS.  Celine Dion, who I don’t really like, was singing that song from “Titanic”.  Rather than changing the channel, I sat there and listened to her sing about love going on and whatnot, and realized that I was in tears.  I was blubbering like a baby, and muttering phrases about love being eternal, and how special life is with love, etc.  A half-hour later, I knew something was wrong with me, and the bcp had to go.

 

I got fed up with no one knowing what was wrong with me, so I started doing a lot of research on the internet.  Armed with pages of notes, I went off to see my family doctor, convinced that I had PCOS (polycystic ovary syndrome).  She sent me off to an ob-gyn, who ran googobs of tests on me, and I was right.  Suddenly, I wasn’t just a woman with irregular periods; what I had, had a name.

 

PCOS isn’t a disease; it’s more of a collection of symptoms which are collectively known as PCOS.  Some of the most common symptoms are: irregular/no periods, painful periods, anovulation/irregular ovulation, inability to lose weight, hirsutism, acanthosis nigricans (dark patches of skin in armpits, back of neck, knees, elbow or groin), cysts on ovaries, acne, hair loss, etc.  I had so many of the symptoms that I knew what I had even before the official diagnosis!

 

Now I knew why, despite nearly a year of rampant, unprotected sex when I was 24 and trying to conceive (except for that time span, I was always a super safety girl!), nothing happened.  I wasn’t ovulating, which means that there was no way I could get pregnant.  So I started taking various medicines to treat some of the hormonal imbalances in my system, and lo and behold, I started ovulating.  It wasn’t always textbook regular, but it was ovulation, so I was happy.

 

A year goes by, and no pregnancy.  Zip, nada, nothing.  A second year, and I still have to buy maxi-pads.  So off I go on another round of doctor’s visits, vaginal ultrasounds, and blood work.

 

Last month, I had a lovely procedure known as a sonohystogram.  They force saline through your uterus and fallopian tubes, while doing an ultrasound at the same time to see how things are inside.  The good news was, my uterus looks marvelous.  The bad news is, they couldn’t see any spillage of the saline from the end of my tubes, which means that they’re blocked.  No wonder I wasn’t able to get pregnant, even once I started ovulating!  The eggs couldn’t make it through my tubes, the sperm couldn’t make it to the eggs, and thus no babies.

 

Now I’ve been referred to a fertility specialist to see what can be done.  However, since I’m such a ttc maniac, I already know what my options are: IVF (in vitro fertilization), or laparoscopic surgery to try to open my tubes.  IVF is too freaking expensive—I mean, we’re talking anywhere from $9,000 - $15,000 per month—so that’s right out, unless I win the lottery or something.  Lap. surgery might work, but it’s still expensive, not covered by my insurance, and carries a high risk of ectopic pregnancy.  My odds are not too good, to be honest.  I’m starting to try to convince myself that I can be happy even if I don’t have a child.  It’s really like being an alcoholic: some days are good, some days are okay, and some days you’d be willing to snuff your own mother for a drink.

 

So, that’s the story of me and my reproductive tract.  Now you’re up to speed, and we won’t have to go through this much detail again! ;-)