Feeling Snarky

I visited my goddaughter this morning to take her a birthday present; I couldn't wait for her party later today! It was magical to see her little face light up with excitement when she saw her very own tricycle. It was a lovely morning visit, complete with the requisite first spills onto the concrete.

Then I came home and got on the internet. And started feeling more and more snarky the more I read on one of the IF boards I frequent. It seems like most of the posts are rubbing me the wrong way today. I know that a part of it is me; yes, I'm happy that today is my goddaughter's birthday, but I'm a little sad because before the m/c I had figured out that I'd be moving into my third trimester when this day rolled around.

It was all coincidental, but it was really neat: I'd have just moved into my 2nd tri about the time Mama Shel's son Miles was born. I'd be moving into my 3rd tri when my goddaughter turned 3. My little one would be born right around, or maybe even ON, one of my BFF's birthday. Now, instead, all of these joyous occasions will be slightly dimmed for me.

But back to the IF bulletin boards! Yes, I'm a little off-center, but this isn't all me; I was bent out of shape about some of these issues long ago, so I know it isn't all personal issues making me ticky.

Private-- even password protected-- forums
This particular site now offers completely private forums. You can create your own little place, not appear in the directory, and even set up a password so that even if someone accidentally managed to stumble upon your little group, they couldn't enter.

Now that this is possible, every group that feels like it's been persecuted, gawked at, or just plain doesn't want anyone else to see their board, can create a secret-squirrel forum. What. Utter. Bullshit.

It's very simple: If you don't want anyone to see what you've written, then don't write it on a semi-public internet message board, idjit. If you want to have a truly private place to have your high school-esque clique, where no one can join without your approval & no one else can see what you write, then go somewhere like Yahoogroups or MSN groups and make your own little place for free.

You see, I paid my membership fees to this site (yes, it is one of those you pay for!), and that is supposed to give me access to all the bulletin boards. But now, suddenly, there are going to be countless boards that my $$$ can't get me access? Look, if I want to go and read the forum about "Raising & Milking Goats for Fun, Profit, and to Feed Your Newborn," I should be able to. Even though I don't have a goat. Or a goat-milk drinking baby. Or a baby at all, for that matter. It's a forum on the boards that I paid to be on, and therefore I feel I should have access to it.

I know that some people feel like they've gotten more attention than they'd like, or that they've gotten negative attention, on "their" board. So they think this privacy thing is super-de-dooper. But I really just think that:
-It isn't "your" board, even if you created it; it's just a board where a topic you relate to is discussed. The board belongs to the website, therefore any paying member of the website has a right to read and comment there.
-Yes, one would hope that people would be respectful of certain situations and of others' feelings, but let's be real. A bulletin board is just like life: some people will be wonderful and supportive, some will stand on the sidelines and just watch, and some will be total & complete asshats. And because it can be fairly anonymous, the asshats often feel free to be even more asshattier than they would in Real Life. (Asshattier? Did I just make up a new word?)
-If you like to be on "your" board because you get support and help from the others there, WHY would you take it private and deprive others of the opportunity to get that same help?!? As you can see, this whole thing is just punching all my buttons.

Swaying for Gender
There are a lot of women/couples who are not only trying to have a baby, but who are trying to have a baby of a specific gender. I've always thought this a little silly, but can somewhat understand a mom of 4 boys wishing she had a girl. Okay, I'm lying; I really don't understand it. Or, rather, I can intellectually see it, but it just doesn't make any emotional sense to me.

I know that my views are slanted because of my own experiences and circumstances, but I kinda think trying tricks and popping pills to have a certain gender is somewhat arrogant and ungrateful. Having the arrogance to assume that you definitely will conceive no matter what, so it's fine to "sway" with positions, pills, potions and intercourse timing. Being so ungrateful that you're not excited enough about possibly having a child, but that it needs to be a certain gender to make you happy.

Not to mention that this whole TTC business is often involved enough without adding in another variable in the form of gender selection. Is it really such a horrible thing to have 4 boys, instead of 3 boys and a girl? In the modern industrialized world, where rules of masculine primogeniture are no longer important, is it really that vital to try for a son after having 2 girls? Again, even typing that makes me feel slightly ill, as someone desperately wishing for just a child, period.

I will be fair--which is not very easy today-- and say that I don't think that all swayers are horrible people. I really don't. But the horror cases I've seen, coupled with my own background, make me cringe whenever I look at those kinds of boards. And with the mood I'm in today, I don't know why I went there. I always have this voice in my head growling things that Are Not Nice.

But you know what? I'm an adult, which means I didn't write anything snarky there. That's what I have a blog for.