Thursday, September 27, 2007

A wasted cycle

Today= cd19 / probably 1dpo
This cycle has been really wacky, more like the cycles I had when I first started ovulating. Cm scant and inconclusive, no positive opk, no blaring/obvious ovulation pain. Despite all that, I'm fairly certain that I ovulated last night. My temp was up to nearly post-O range this morning, my ovary twinges have disappeared, and the scant cm is now non-existent.

I haven't felt this lost since the beginning, back in the days where I'm sure I drove "old-hands" crazy with my constant cries of, "Did I ovulate yet? I think I did. No, wait, maybe tomorrow?!?" After the first few months, I figured out my body and its signs, and knew what was up. This cycle has me stymied and depressed, because the signs didn't work right.

This sucks so hard, because I wasn't able to insem. because of various problems. So, my last medicated cycle (at least for a while, if not forever) is a bust. I chemically altered my body for nothing, as there is no chance whatsoever of pregnancy. It's bad enough when you miss a cycle because of medical problems or money issues, or things like that. But having taken meds, peed on sticks 3-4 times a day, played with my cm, and faithfully temp'ed, all to make the plan and timing work, well, I feel betrayed by my own body. The thesaurus in my head is temporary unavailable, so I'll just have to repeat: this sucks so hard.

Tuesday, September 18, 2007

Walgreens sucks

Despite the ridiculously high premium, I decided to keep my health insurance when my property sold (and I became unemployed). My paperwork is still being processed, so technically I don't have insurance right now. This sucks in a lot of ways, but I'm not too sussed because I know it's coming as soon as some ham-fisted idiot clicks the right keys at his computer.

What really has me pissed off is Walgreens. Since I lost my job at the end of July, I've had at least 3-4 refills done there, and every single time they're not ready for pickup on time. All because the insurance on file isn't valid anymore, so when they run me in the system, C*gna denies it.

I understood the first time it happened; they didn't know, and they were following their procedures. I patiently explained that I no longer worked for that company, no longer had insurance, and so would be a cash-paying customer until further notice. They were super nice, got my meds ready really fast, and I was out of there.

The second time it happened, I wasn't quite as patient while explaining, yet again, the situation. The third time I needed a refill, I got smart: I called the pharmacy ahead of time, explained AGAIN, asked that they do whatever kind of magic with the computer to "fix" the problem, and pretty-please go ahead and fill my script.

Yesterday I realized that I needed a refill, so I got online and placed my order. It was supposed to be ready at 5pm yesterday, but I didn't need it that urgently so I decided to wait until today to pick it up. I showed up at 1pm, and a sweet old grandma pharm. tech rifled through the little trays. When she got to the back, and she didn't pull anything out, I knew it had fricking happened again. I explained, she put the order in, and off I went to waste time while waiting.

I ended up strolling through the aisles of Walgreens for 45 minutes. 45 minutes. There just isn't enough interesting stuff at Walgreens to fill up 45 minutes. When they finally called my name on the intercom, I headed back to the pharm., only to get asked for the second time in this same visit, "Do you have any new insurance?" by the young woman who'd taken over when Grandma left on break (or wherever she disappeared) while she was ringing me up.

About to explode, I explained AGAIN. Young Woman looked abashed, and told me that my account hadn't been updated with that information, so they have to check. I asked, rather pointedly, how many times I had to tell them before they updated?!? By this point, I'd paid and had my meds in hand, so I just stood there and stared at her. She finally went over to the computer and started typing. When she finished, she said that she'd entered information, and that hopefully it would update and take care of the problem.

Hopefully? Do they not know how their system works? I am so irate. I know it was "only" 45 minutes, but it was my 45 minutes, and I hadn't planned on spending it in Walgreens. I sent a complaint to the company, so we'll see if anything comes of it.

Monday, September 17, 2007

Just stuff

There's so much going on, and very little of it has to do with me! Cali is starting her donor egg IVF cycle; Sarah is gearing up for another round of IVF; Babe is the TWW of her 1st IVF cycle; and C & S are killing me with the wait for their ultrasound results.

I, on the other hand, am doing nothing exciting. This past weekend was lovely; the 100+ temperatures dropped down into the 80s, and it was gorgeous. I actually sat in the shade, reading "1632", and got a little cold. Cold?!? Freakin' fantastic! Even though it's back up in the 90s this week, I got a glorious reminder that autumn is coming eventually. Which reminds me that the 5th
Hallowchristgiving is coming up!

Before that, though, is a zombie-themed Halloween party. My group loves old B-movies, the worse the better, in our opinion. Many a Friday/Saturday evening has been spent with 8-10 people crammed in someone's living room, having "Bad Movie Night". It's a bit funny, actually, that I can watch something like "I Drink Your Blood", but have a problem watching modern horror movies.

Anyway, our love of old movies is being re-ignited with a zombie Halloween. I have no fricking idea of what I'm going to do about make-up; theatrical cosmetics is NOT my forte. Clothing & costume is no problem, but the make-up is going to be a bitch.

Can you tell that we take this stuff seriously, that I'm already thinking about Halloween 6 weeks early?

Sunday, September 09, 2007

Here we go again!

Depending on what happens, today is either going to be 16dpo, or cd1. Either way, though, this cycle is dead and just doesn't know when to stop. My lovely high LP temps are gone, and I'm back to my usual FP temps. And to top it off, I had a bout of horrendously painful cramping last night, while in the middle of a lovely sushi dinner with girlfriends. I ended up sucking it up as long as I could, but as soon as it was politely possible I got my check, paid, and left before dessert.

I know it's a case of "the grass is always greener", but sometimes I hate that I have such a long LP. I mean, I'll probably come on today, but still. I'm 16dpo, and I'm not even on any drugs. WTF?!? Even though I know better, since my temps have dropped to bargain-basement lows, having a long LP still engenders just a little bit of hope. Every day past 14, a tiny little flicker of that bastard hope lingers. Maybe I was mouth breathing, that's why my temps are low; surely they'll go back up tomorrow, right? I know better.


On a completely unrelated note, am I the only one who thinks its a bit odd, the way that a lot of married women have their husbands present for all their tests and appointments? I'm not talking about the big stuff. I mean, I know and understand that IF in a couple affects both of them, and it's great that the partners get involved and offer support. If I were married and going through IVF, sure, I'd want my husband there for ER and ET.

But I mean they try to have the hubbies there for everything. Consults, regular pelvic exams, follicular check u/s, bloodwork, HSGs, the whole kit and caboodle. I really think it's creepy. Maybe it's because I'm single, I don't know. But I've thought about it, trying to put myself into their situation... and I still don't think I'd want or need my theoretical-husband there while I just getting a pap smear.


I had to pause in my typing to go pee. Guess what? It's cd1.