A couple of days ago, two anonymous persons left comments on one of my previous blogs regarding TTC. The comments were extremely negative, and obviously the result of them not actually reading my post. To summarize my post:
1) I'm just not as bitter as some others TTC.
2) You can be bitter, and I'll just respectfully ignore it when that happens from now on.
3) Don't bitch at me because I'm not bitter.
4) I loved "Spamalot".
Okay, so "Spamalot" wasn't referenced in the comments, but it WAS a part of the post. Anyway, I fail to see how anything in my post came across as me:
1) Thinking that being positive will get me pregnant--> No, I'm fully aware that it takes sperm and egg, thank you. A good RE doesn't hurt, either.
2) Being unsupportive--> With the exception of the one post about a month ago where I stated my opinion, I dare anyone to point to a post where I belitted anyone on those BBs.
3) Not having any pain associated with IF--> I refuse to play the "Pain Game". I have had pain, have pain, and will have pain, over my IF issues. But it is my pain, and I choose not to wear it on my sleeve.
And to close out my thoughtful, mature, and non-vulgar post, I would like to add that if you have something to say to me, but don't have the courage to sign your name or to engage in discourse rather than just flaming me, then fuck you.
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3 comments:
I have felt in the past to constantly fight for my right to express my pain, "Hear me! Hear me! I have pain too not just you!" But, quite honestly over time I realize that when I do that, I AM taking a part in the pain game. Somehow I'd like to turn my experience into comforting other women going through or having a miscarriage. I have found some great books that have helped me and some great friends to listen and not judge me.
I believe deep down that there is a part of every woman that knows exactly what I'm talking about... that you know others need support rather than crying out for help and then being told that "Stop comparing your pain to mine! Your miscarriage is NOTHING compared to my pain." That's not what I'm saying when I express my pain. I'm saying help me. I'm saying I'm lost. I'm saying I have no hope right this minute... some do respond to that appropriately, while others view my pain as a threat to the centerstage of whose pain is the greatest.
My pain is obviously not the greatest and I thank God for that. I thank God that the brunt of the pain is gone and is replaced with hope in my situation.
Now my pain has turned into wanting to help others. Isn't that what a BB is supposed to be about? Support? A place to ask questions and receive answers and give back in return?
I think women are high strug at the best of times, but add TTC to the mix, add some infertilty to top it all off and there's bound to be hurt feelings. I think sometimes you want a place to have your pity party, even for a short while. If it's the forums I'm thinking of, there seems to be a sense of betrayal when you are looked at a just bitter, because for the most part you're not. It's just these are the places that you can say stuff you normally have to hide, even if that's not what you feel for the most part. I suppose in some ways, as you age you're less tolerant, and most of us have aged a great deal dealing with TTC and the corresponding infertility. I think the Pollyana and Spamalot analogy came across a somewhat superior on your part, but as you rightly said, eveyone's entitled to their opinion.
just sending a virtual hug.
i don't think pain should be a contest. it is a very subjective and relative term. we all hurt in our own way and have different levels of tolerance, just like we do for physical pain.
the best we can do is to accept that everyone else's pain is as real to them as ours is to us.
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