Instantaneous conception, anyone?

I have a not-so-guilty, not-so-secret pleasure, which is reading romance novels. No matter what else I'm reading, whether it's sci-fi, fantasy, history, or medical, there's always a romance novel in the "reading in progress" stack, too.

I've been hooked on them since I was a pre-teen; back then, much of my time was spent either in the hospital or at home, waiting to see if the latest operation work and if I would be able to walk again. So there was a LOT of spare time to fill. After watching hours of TV and seeing just about every Frankie/Annette & Elvis movie ever made (not a bad thing, mind you, but still... I occasionally have the theme song to "Beach Blanket Bingo" rolling through my head), I started looking for other things to do. My mom read romances, and they were always around, so one day I picked one up and started reading it... and that was that.

By the way, although I don't remember the author or title, I still vividly remember other details about my first romance novel. The cover art had a woman and man sensuously lounging on a white fur rug. The male lead was a Viking warrior, and the female lead was his captured Briton/Christian slave. Yeah, I can't remember my new license plate number, but I can remember that. Oh, and I still remember the prologue to "The Canterbury Tales", and in Middle English to boot!

Where was I? Oh yeah, romances. These days I really like the supernatural/paranormal romance genre: time travel, magic, werewolves, vampires, psi-abilities, etc. It's like I get to have a fantasy novel AND a romance, all wrapped up in one neat package! But there's one thing that always makes me roll my eyes about them. In the ones where one of the characters have some sort of super/hyper senses, there's one tragic love-scene faux pas that almost every author makes:

Heaving, moaning, groaning, sweating, thrusting, etc. Moment of climax, which of course happens simultaneously (hah!). The couple rests, happy in the afterglow. Then five minutes later, either he or she (whichever one is "enhanced") says something to the effect of, "We've just made a baby. I can sense the spark of new life in you/me," or something goofy like that.

Apparently werewolf/vampire/sorceror sperm are so great, that they can go from ejaculate to full fertilization in 5 minutes. All I want to know is, where I can find some super-sperm like that?!?

Bitter Bettys Abound!

A couple of days ago, two anonymous persons left comments on one of my previous blogs regarding TTC. The comments were extremely negative, and obviously the result of them not actually reading my post. To summarize my post:

1) I'm just not as bitter as some others TTC.

2) You can be bitter, and I'll just respectfully ignore it when that happens from now on.

3) Don't bitch at me because I'm not bitter.

4) I loved "Spamalot".

Okay, so "Spamalot" wasn't referenced in the comments, but it WAS a part of the post. Anyway, I fail to see how anything in my post came across as me:

1) Thinking that being positive will get me pregnant--> No, I'm fully aware that it takes sperm and egg, thank you. A good RE doesn't hurt, either.

2) Being unsupportive--> With the exception of the one post about a month ago where I stated my opinion, I dare anyone to point to a post where I belitted anyone on those BBs.

3) Not having any pain associated with IF--> I refuse to play the "Pain Game". I have had pain, have pain, and will have pain, over my IF issues. But it is my pain, and I choose not to wear it on my sleeve.

And to close out my thoughtful, mature, and non-vulgar post, I would like to add that if you have something to say to me, but don't have the courage to sign your name or to engage in discourse rather than just flaming me, then fuck you.

1 day past ovulation haiku

My ovaries twinge
A functional cyst growing
Diarrhea comes