Monday, November 27, 2006

I have a follicle THIIISSSSS big!

There are eggs growing in my ovaries, and I swear that they feel like they're this big. I'm just waiting to ovulate to get some relief from the damn things. When I think of women who're doing IVF, where the point is to have as many eggs/follicles growing as possible, I sweat & shudder, and tip my fedora to their bravery and determination. Not to mention, to their high threshold of pain.

I'm around cd 17, so if the ovulation stimulation part of this cycle is successful, the Big O should be happening any day now.

More jizz and Instead cups. Thank goodness for poor college students who need extra money to buy kegs and bongs!

Sunday, November 19, 2006

Double (or more) Trouble?

So, it's a brand new cycle for me, and I'm doing something that has me slightly terrified: I'm taking an ovulation-stimulating drug.  My RE figures it'll increase my chances, and while I know he's right and I'm willing to take my chances, I can't deny that the increased chance of multiples scares the snot out of me.  And at the same time, a tiny part of me would be thrilled.  If that ain't sick, I don't know what is.
I mean, this is one of those things that's hard to talk about on The Site That Shall Not Be Named.  Everyone there is so desperately trying to conceive, that I feel like an ungrateful whore for thinking, "Man, I would be so freaked out if I got pregnant with twins (or more)."  I see so many younger women on there with all those annoying glittery names and a half-million blinkies (oh Gawd, I could go on for an hour about how much I hate that shit), and almost all of them are hoping that they have twins.  I just don't get it, especially the women who are trying for their first.  The adjustment to becoming a parent is hard enough, without trying to deal with two at a time.  Who honestly wishes for that?!?
Don't get me wrong; if I were to get pregnant with twins, I'd be scared but would love those children with every ounce of my being.  I'm just realistic enough to know that as a single parent, it'll be excruciatingly hard.  And to all the women who have had multiples, my hat goes off to you, because you are mommy-warriors of the Light.  You've been through the Valley, and now know that you're the baddest mutha' there.
I guess my fear is increased by the fact that I know that I'm already at higher risk for multiples, just naturally.  I'm black, overweight, and older, all of which carry an increased chance of multiples.  Ah well, I'll take whatever I can get.  Maybe if I have a whole bunch of them, I can get a gig in a circus or something.

Friday, November 10, 2006

Fish Sex

I started spotting this afternoon. So, this month's journey/suspense/angst is over, and a new one can start. Sometimes being a woman is really gross, you know?

Uh oh, I think I feel a stream of consciousness coming on...

Have you ever thought about how weird mammal sex is? I mean, there's a protruding tube of flesh on the male that fits into a channel of the woman's body. The flesh tube gets wiggled back and forth until it explodes and shoots out snotty gook full of wiggly tadpole thingies, that them swim around inside the female's body for several days.

Ewwwwww. Sometimes I think fish have a better design.

[Wanda Fish] "Okay, I'm just gonna squirt out about a kajillion eggs here on the seafloor."

[Marty Fish] "Hey, that's cool. Are you done yet?"

[WF] "Almost." (Insert fishy grunting noises here) "All right, I'm finished. Whew, that took a lot out of me! I think I'll eat a few of these eggs to recoup my strength."

[MF] "No!!! Wait! I gotta do my thing!"

(Insert squishy noise here. Or actually, would it squish, since it's already underwater? Yes, this is the kind of thing that keeps me awake at night.)

[WF] "Are you okay? Your face kinda looks like Goofy. Of course, being an aquatic creature who's never seen television, I don't know how I know what Goofy looks like, or even what a Goofy is, but somehow I instinctively know that you look like Goofy."

[MF] "Urk! Argh! Grrr! And other manly, I mean fishly, orgasmic noises!"

[WF] "Are you done yet?"

(Insert one last squish.)

[MF] "NOW I'm done. That took a lot out of me, squirting my stuff all over those eggs. Eww, it's everywhere! Oh jeez, it's getting in my gills! I'm breathing it! AHHHHHH!!!!"

[WF] "Just eat a few dozen of the eggs and you'll feel better. Don't worry; after we eat, there'll still be about a padrillion of them left."

Yeah. I get really silly sometimes. Oh, and for all the fish-oriented people out there, yes, I do know that some fish get busy. But I like my fish better.

Thursday, November 02, 2006

I can't wait for kids to "ruin" my life!

Deep in my heart, I’d like to think that I still have the party-girl spirit that I had in my mid-20’s. However, the fact that I’m nearly 3 months late on going out to my once-favorite bar to collect on my promised birthday drinks, kinda clues me in that I don’t have the party-hardiness anymore.

But I don’t really miss it. I mean, I have waves of nostalgia that come over me, remembering nights of martinis and my favorite DJ boy-toys spinning; girls decked out to the Nth degree, and the boys all with their casual suaveness. It was fun, but I ain’t that girl anymore.

It’s always funny to me, when people try to “warn” me about having a baby, about how much I’ll have to “give up”.

[Them] You know you can’t go out clubbing on a random Tuesday night, right?

[Me] I haven’t done that in at least 7 years, but thanks for the heads up.

[Them] No, really, everything changes! You can’t hang out at the bar until 3am, then go over to the illegal after-hours juke joint and keep partying. You have to stay home ‘cause you have kids! And you can forget about going to the movies until they’re at least 4.

[Me] Wow, that sounds great, ‘cause I’m all about staying home these days. I go to the theater to see a movie maybe twice a year; I’m a DVD rental whore, myself. By the way, I’m so sorry that you resent your children, and think that they stole your youth. I, however, drained my fucking youth-cup to the dregs, enjoying every drop, and am now ready to grow up and have a family.

By the way, I’m somewhere around 7dpo. And I hate prenatal vitamins.

(Day after) Humpday Humpable: Shemar Moore

I swear I tried to post this yesterday. I promise. But for some arcane reason, I couldn't get the picture to upload. Then once I did, I couldn't publish the freakin' post.

So anyway, here's this week's eye-candy, Mr. Shemar Moore. I thought he was hot about a million years ago when he was on soap operas. Now, though, he's apparently on one of those gloom-and-doom cop/lawyer/murder-death-kill TV shows. He's still hot, of course, but I don't watch those shows.

I hate those cop shows with a passion. My mum loves them. But I think that's another post entirely; so, enjoy the sights!