I saw this, and almost spewed coffee through my nose at work this morning. And believe me, feeling hot coffee tickling at your sinus passages is nothing to sneeze at! Anyway, here's what really happened after the Death Star blew up.
Tuesday, April 17, 2007
Monday, April 16, 2007
People can be really stupid
I've been back from my vacation for a couple of weeks now, and I'm finally rested up enough to start venting online again. Umm, I mean, writing. I promise I'll do the whole boring, "and this is a picture of Sir Wally Peniston's castle" thing soon, but I haven't finished cataloging my photos yet.
Anyway, I was catching up on Dos Mamas blog, and a comment by one of her readers reminded me of an incident from about 8-9 months ago. My female friends, most of whom have children, all get together on a semi-regular basis for what we call "Girls' Night In". One person is the hostess, and we all hang out at their place once the kiddies are in bed.
As usually happens, someone mentioned that an acquaintance was pregnant. It reminded me that earlier that day, one of my online gal-pals had just discovered she was pregnant with triplets. So, feeling all happy for my online friend, I told my real-life friends about her struggle with infertility, and how she'd done IVF with donor sperm, and was now going to be the mama of three little ones.
Most of my girlfriends had positive reactions. One, however, said one of the most stupid things I've ever heard. She actually said, "Eww, donor sperm! I just couldn't do that. I mean, I'd rather go pick up a guy at a bar; at least then I'd know he was really cute, you know?"
I stared at her in disbelief. How could an educated woman in her 30s actually think that trolling for a random stranger was a better reproductive choice than using donor sperm? Once I could actually speak again, I retorted, "Yeah, pick up a guy at a bar and have unprotected sex with him to try to get pregnant. I don't think so. I'd rather use donor sperm, which has been tested for STDs, quarantined for 6 months, then tested again. That's just a little safer, don't you think?"
Maybe my memory is faulty, but I'm pretty sure there was an uncomfortable silence for a moment. But I remember the evening as being fun, so somebody probably broke the tension by doing something sophisticated, like burping or farting.
Anyway, I was catching up on Dos Mamas blog, and a comment by one of her readers reminded me of an incident from about 8-9 months ago. My female friends, most of whom have children, all get together on a semi-regular basis for what we call "Girls' Night In". One person is the hostess, and we all hang out at their place once the kiddies are in bed.
As usually happens, someone mentioned that an acquaintance was pregnant. It reminded me that earlier that day, one of my online gal-pals had just discovered she was pregnant with triplets. So, feeling all happy for my online friend, I told my real-life friends about her struggle with infertility, and how she'd done IVF with donor sperm, and was now going to be the mama of three little ones.
Most of my girlfriends had positive reactions. One, however, said one of the most stupid things I've ever heard. She actually said, "Eww, donor sperm! I just couldn't do that. I mean, I'd rather go pick up a guy at a bar; at least then I'd know he was really cute, you know?"
I stared at her in disbelief. How could an educated woman in her 30s actually think that trolling for a random stranger was a better reproductive choice than using donor sperm? Once I could actually speak again, I retorted, "Yeah, pick up a guy at a bar and have unprotected sex with him to try to get pregnant. I don't think so. I'd rather use donor sperm, which has been tested for STDs, quarantined for 6 months, then tested again. That's just a little safer, don't you think?"
Maybe my memory is faulty, but I'm pretty sure there was an uncomfortable silence for a moment. But I remember the evening as being fun, so somebody probably broke the tension by doing something sophisticated, like burping or farting.
Friday, March 16, 2007
Instantaneous conception, anyone?
I have a not-so-guilty, not-so-secret pleasure, which is reading romance novels. No matter what else I'm reading, whether it's sci-fi, fantasy, history, or medical, there's always a romance novel in the "reading in progress" stack, too.
I've been hooked on them since I was a pre-teen; back then, much of my time was spent either in the hospital or at home, waiting to see if the latest operation work and if I would be able to walk again. So there was a LOT of spare time to fill. After watching hours of TV and seeing just about every Frankie/Annette & Elvis movie ever made (not a bad thing, mind you, but still... I occasionally have the theme song to "Beach Blanket Bingo" rolling through my head), I started looking for other things to do. My mom read romances, and they were always around, so one day I picked one up and started reading it... and that was that.
By the way, although I don't remember the author or title, I still vividly remember other details about my first romance novel. The cover art had a woman and man sensuously lounging on a white fur rug. The male lead was a Viking warrior, and the female lead was his captured Briton/Christian slave. Yeah, I can't remember my new license plate number, but I can remember that. Oh, and I still remember the prologue to "The Canterbury Tales", and in Middle English to boot!
Where was I? Oh yeah, romances. These days I really like the supernatural/paranormal romance genre: time travel, magic, werewolves, vampires, psi-abilities, etc. It's like I get to have a fantasy novel AND a romance, all wrapped up in one neat package! But there's one thing that always makes me roll my eyes about them. In the ones where one of the characters have some sort of super/hyper senses, there's one tragic love-scene faux pas that almost every author makes:
Heaving, moaning, groaning, sweating, thrusting, etc. Moment of climax, which of course happens simultaneously (hah!). The couple rests, happy in the afterglow. Then five minutes later, either he or she (whichever one is "enhanced") says something to the effect of, "We've just made a baby. I can sense the spark of new life in you/me," or something goofy like that.
Apparently werewolf/vampire/sorceror sperm are so great, that they can go from ejaculate to full fertilization in 5 minutes. All I want to know is, where I can find some super-sperm like that?!?
I've been hooked on them since I was a pre-teen; back then, much of my time was spent either in the hospital or at home, waiting to see if the latest operation work and if I would be able to walk again. So there was a LOT of spare time to fill. After watching hours of TV and seeing just about every Frankie/Annette & Elvis movie ever made (not a bad thing, mind you, but still... I occasionally have the theme song to "Beach Blanket Bingo" rolling through my head), I started looking for other things to do. My mom read romances, and they were always around, so one day I picked one up and started reading it... and that was that.
By the way, although I don't remember the author or title, I still vividly remember other details about my first romance novel. The cover art had a woman and man sensuously lounging on a white fur rug. The male lead was a Viking warrior, and the female lead was his captured Briton/Christian slave. Yeah, I can't remember my new license plate number, but I can remember that. Oh, and I still remember the prologue to "The Canterbury Tales", and in Middle English to boot!
Where was I? Oh yeah, romances. These days I really like the supernatural/paranormal romance genre: time travel, magic, werewolves, vampires, psi-abilities, etc. It's like I get to have a fantasy novel AND a romance, all wrapped up in one neat package! But there's one thing that always makes me roll my eyes about them. In the ones where one of the characters have some sort of super/hyper senses, there's one tragic love-scene faux pas that almost every author makes:
Heaving, moaning, groaning, sweating, thrusting, etc. Moment of climax, which of course happens simultaneously (hah!). The couple rests, happy in the afterglow. Then five minutes later, either he or she (whichever one is "enhanced") says something to the effect of, "We've just made a baby. I can sense the spark of new life in you/me," or something goofy like that.
Apparently werewolf/vampire/sorceror sperm are so great, that they can go from ejaculate to full fertilization in 5 minutes. All I want to know is, where I can find some super-sperm like that?!?
Monday, March 12, 2007
Bitter Bettys Abound!
A couple of days ago, two anonymous persons left comments on one of my previous blogs regarding TTC. The comments were extremely negative, and obviously the result of them not actually reading my post. To summarize my post:
1) I'm just not as bitter as some others TTC.
2) You can be bitter, and I'll just respectfully ignore it when that happens from now on.
3) Don't bitch at me because I'm not bitter.
4) I loved "Spamalot".
Okay, so "Spamalot" wasn't referenced in the comments, but it WAS a part of the post. Anyway, I fail to see how anything in my post came across as me:
1) Thinking that being positive will get me pregnant--> No, I'm fully aware that it takes sperm and egg, thank you. A good RE doesn't hurt, either.
2) Being unsupportive--> With the exception of the one post about a month ago where I stated my opinion, I dare anyone to point to a post where I belitted anyone on those BBs.
3) Not having any pain associated with IF--> I refuse to play the "Pain Game". I have had pain, have pain, and will have pain, over my IF issues. But it is my pain, and I choose not to wear it on my sleeve.
And to close out my thoughtful, mature, and non-vulgar post, I would like to add that if you have something to say to me, but don't have the courage to sign your name or to engage in discourse rather than just flaming me, then fuck you.
1) I'm just not as bitter as some others TTC.
2) You can be bitter, and I'll just respectfully ignore it when that happens from now on.
3) Don't bitch at me because I'm not bitter.
4) I loved "Spamalot".
Okay, so "Spamalot" wasn't referenced in the comments, but it WAS a part of the post. Anyway, I fail to see how anything in my post came across as me:
1) Thinking that being positive will get me pregnant--> No, I'm fully aware that it takes sperm and egg, thank you. A good RE doesn't hurt, either.
2) Being unsupportive--> With the exception of the one post about a month ago where I stated my opinion, I dare anyone to point to a post where I belitted anyone on those BBs.
3) Not having any pain associated with IF--> I refuse to play the "Pain Game". I have had pain, have pain, and will have pain, over my IF issues. But it is my pain, and I choose not to wear it on my sleeve.
And to close out my thoughtful, mature, and non-vulgar post, I would like to add that if you have something to say to me, but don't have the courage to sign your name or to engage in discourse rather than just flaming me, then fuck you.
Thursday, March 08, 2007
Wednesday, February 28, 2007
Humpday Humpable: Jimmy Jean-Louis
Well, after quite a long hiatus, it's finally time for the return of Humpday Humpables! This week features Haitian-born actor Jimmy Jean-Louis. Now, what's really funny about JJ-L is that I saw him in "Phat Girlz", and thought he was verra verra handsome; I immediately knew that I wanted him on my list! But it wasn't until I was looking for decent pics of him that I realized that I see him almost every freakin' week on my favorite TV show, "Heroes".
Yes, Jimmy plays the role of The Haitian, which is funny to me because he IS Haitian. And I've been watching this show for ages now, and never realized that The Haitian was the same person as Dr. Tunde. I feel so incredibly stupid, but I do have one teeny excuse: the man looks completely different depending on the mood he's emoting. When he's all serious and brooding, he looks nothing like the happy, charming character from "Phat Girlz". Really. I'm serious (but not brooding).
In case no one's figured it out, I really, really, really like men with shaved heads, or very closely shorn hair.
Friday, February 16, 2007
Just crucify me now
Two things today: 1) I saw “Spamalot” last night, and it was fantastic; 2) I am apparently the positive, upbeat Pollyanna in my online infertility crowd. Okay, so I know those two things seem completely unrelated, but there really is a connection, I swear.
Most of the people who know me in real life, know that I’m just as jaded and cynical as everyone else in my social circle. So it’s very odd, really, that I’m the positive-thinker in my virtual life. You see, the group of ladies I spend the most time with are other IFs (infertiles) who, like me, have been trying to conceive their first child for over a year. Now, I’m long past a year; hell, I’m coming up on my three year mark pretty soon! Still, there are very different feelings that come with being unable to conceive your first child, compared to having trouble while trying to conceive, say, your third child. It’s not that we don’t think the mum trying for #3 doesn’t have a right to their frustrations and pain; it’s just that the pain of not having any children at all is different.
This special community, as you can imagine, gets quite bitchy at times. It’s very frustrating to see women who’ve been trying for all of 3 months write a post that says, “I’m finally pregnant after 3 long months of trying! I didn’t ever think I was going to see a positive pregnancy test!” It either makes you want to pat them on the head for their sweet naiveté, or smack them in the face for getting “the prize” so quickly. As a jaded and cynical person, I love it when we snort and make fun of some of the young things; it’s fun, it’s a safe release for our tension, and it’s in a semi-private forum just for us, so no harm/no foul.
The times that I have a problem with the boards is when the ultra-bitterness comes out, and it comes out often. There are a lot of women who are in so much pain over their infertility that they can’t stand to be around pregnant women, babies, or even to hear talk about them. It’s so bad that there was even a LONG debate over how it should be handled when/if someone on the board got pregnant: should they announce it, how should it be announced, should there be a special, separate place for the announcements so as not to hurt/offend the other members, etc. That was honestly when my first feelings of “something’s not quite right” started creeping up on me. If we were all together for support in our TTC journey, shouldn’t we be happy for one of us who managed to get pregnant?
And that’s where the bitterness is in the group. The thing I hear most often is, “I want to be happy for them (friend, family member, etc.), but it just hurts so much and I hate that it’s not me, and I just want to cry. How can they tell me how happy they are to be pregnant, when they KNOW I’m trying? Don’t they care about me at all? What about my feelings?”
I ignored a lot of this stuff for a long time, then finally spoke out a few days ago. You see, I don’t really have a problem being around pregnant women and babies. Yes, in my early days (somewhere around year one, with the occasional lapse), it was hard, but even then I just sucked it up and went on. I knew even back then, that other people achieving the joy I sought wasn’t my punishment; it was their blessing. And if they were people that I loved, then how could I begrudge them their happiness? Of course if was hard when two of my best friends got pregnant within three months of me starting TTC/discovering I have PCOS. And when 3 more girlfriends got pregnant within the next 6 months, I thought I was in my own private hell. But at the same time, I was honestly and genuinely happy for them, and looked forward to the days when our get-togethers included bottles of formula instead of bottles of beer.
So, because I just don’t get the super-ultra-bitterness, and don’t feel the same way, I am apparently a Pollyanna. I have been lambasted for not being bitter enough, for daring to have a semi-positive point of view. One person even suggested—I hope at least partly tongue in cheek—that I must be on some good nerve calming drugs. Huh? There’s something wrong with me, just because I don’t fly into rages while passing pictures of children in Sear’s portrait gallery? Or because I don’t burst into tears if I see a pregnant woman in the supermarket? Gee, and here I thought I was just well-adjusted and mature enough to know that it’s my body that’s messed up, it’s no one else’s fault, and getting mad at everyone I see isn’t going to get me pregnant. I don’t have enough energy for all of that.
Here’s the thing: if they want to vent and rant and rage, that’s fine. It’s our special place to let loose and say what we really feel. I don’t always agree, but fire away! I just want the same rights as everyone else: to be able to say how I feel, even if THEY don’t agree with me. I’m finding it quite hypocritical, that people are talking about how the board is “our” place to be free, but “our” doesn’t seem to include everyone.
I have a theory that we all have a different threshold of pain when it comes to TTC: some can handle more than others. I think I just have a higher threshold of pain. Or just a different point of view. I don’t really know. I mean, I still obsess like crazy over this stuff; it’s just that I obsess about me, and not about the world around me.
Anyway, that’s enough of that rant. I’m currently 14 dpo, and waiting for my period to arrive. I have no hope for this cycle, as timing was off, and my semen sample wasn’t that great. So, I’ll be on to femara cycle #4 very shortly!
Oh! About Spamalot! It was a fantastic show, and I highly recommend it to anyone, but most especially if (like me) you’re a Monty Python fan. And yes, I know that I said there was a connection between Spamalot and my Pollyanna rant, and here it is: while I was trying to think of how I wanted to write about the whole Pollyanna business, I realized that I was humming one of the “Life of Brian” songs they had in the show: “Always Look on the Bright Side of Life.” How appropriate.
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