Wednesday, January 30, 2013

An end

My wonderful mother died on Christmas day, 12/25/2012, from heart failure complicated by renal insufficiency.  I have been in a fog, a beautiful numbness, for weeks now.  But today I will go and commit her remains to their final resting place, and I feel like I'm going to throw up.  The funeral/memorial service was 4 weeks ago-- and by the way, it seems like it was just a few days ago-- but with all the bureaucratic red tape and scheduling, her cremains will be interred later today.  There is a knot in my chest, my stomach is roiling, and I am on the verge of tears every other minute.
Being a grown-up sucks.
Time has been so fluid.  I actually had to do a double-take at the calendar when I just wrote that it had been a month since the funeral.  It seems like just a couple of weeks ago.  Or yesterday.  I suppose at some point before, oh, spring I need to send out acknowledgment cards.  There just seems to be so much still to do, when all I want to do is nothing.